Why (adverb): For what reason, cause, or purpose

This entry is about two things: A- Why I started a journal in the first place (almost 3 years ago), and B- Why I’m starting this one

-A-

The detailed reasons of why exactly I started the first time are not very clear to me now and might never be. After all, at that time I hadn’t yet realized the importance of documenting them when they were fresh. I’m not repeating that mistake again. However, I do remember a few reasons and a few parts of the first entries that explained some of these reasons vaguely.

As one cannot speak without learning to listen, one cannot write without learning to read first. Likewise, I probably started writing after I fell in love .. with reading. Only a bookworm can understand how fascinating it is to communicate with people who live thousands of miles away, or who have lived thousands of years ago. I believed that I could do the same thing by writing. By writing not only can I communicate with others (whom I know or whom I’ve never met) in a way not possible through normal oral conversations, but I can also communicate with my past and future selves in some way. So the beginning obviously was the point at which I started reading which lead to a later one at which I started writing.

The events that lead to my love to read went as follows: a revolution that affected millions of lives and destroyed most of my established constants – the emergence of numerous questions that demanded being answered – an endless quest to seek answers – meeting and old friend who had a substantial amount of knowledge – his poetic way of describing the importance of reading which almost made me feel jealous of that love, and so I decided to have it for myself.

In parallel, the following was going on in my life: I met someone who reminded me of a part of myself which I thought had been lost forever – I started remembering my origins and my childhood – I started realizing how much I used to be very different and how I’ve changed a lot – the more I remembered about my past the more I remembered the pain I had experienced, the more I remembered about the period before that pain, and the more I hated my present – I decided that I need to write it all down.

I’ll surely expand more about all of the mentioned events in future entries.

I remember that my first two entries in my first diary were very short. In them I explained that I started a diary because I realized how valuable a human life was and therefore how valuable mine was, and so the details of which had to be kept somewhere to be protected from permanent loss. I also said that writing had many benefits including stress relief and giving me an opportunity to look back at my past self and appreciate my growth and success of making it through hard times.

-B-

After the first diary was lost, starting a new one seemed to be both an important need and a huge burden. I thought a lot about doing it, but every time I remembered the entries which were lost forever and the amount of effort I had put into creating them made me feel disappointed -and I’m not very productive when I’m disappointed. Nevertheless, one day I remembered a wonderful 2-hour monologue performed by Julia Sweeney -which I had first watched months ago- about her life and the most important transitions in it. I remembered that the details which she mentioned about her past made me remember those of mine and the value thereof. As simple a reason as it is, it was the reason that motivated me to start this journal not with the aim of recreating the old one, but rather to take up where I had left off..
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s