Sweet and sour

So I walk alone down the darkest roads
‘Cause I’ve always known how the story goes
When the curtain falls, I’ll be wearing thin
Clawing at the walls as they’re closing in
In this twisted plot I was destined for
I’m an astronaut on the ocean floor
So misunderstood ’till the bloody end
How I wish I could do it all again

It feels like I’m a lone survivor
Forgotten in a dark and deadly world
And on my own I walk alone
To see the sun again I’d give anything
But life demands a final chapter
A story that we all must leave behind
It’s do or die, and this is mine
The anthem of a bird with a broken wing

It’s another night of the living dead
Like a viper bite in a spider web
It’s so deathly dark in the alleyway
And a bleeding heart makes you easy prey
I would run and hide for the afternoon
With the butterfly in the panic room
Though I won’t be missed, I would say it’s time
For a different twist in the story line

~ Bird with a broken wing, Owl City

I’ve always been enchanted by Adam Young’s (a.k.a Owl City) ability to capture, in great detail and mystery, fragments of feelings and thoughts in his lyrics that are so closely related to my life. But “Bird With A Broken Wing” has been the closest to touching my life than any other song so far, both in content and timing …

The song is part of a new album that came out almost 2 weeks ago, which perfectly coincides with the part of my life in which I’m in my final stages of being released from the prison I’ve been living in for almost 17 years! My last entry in this blog was in February, and for these past 4 months I’ve been fighting battles serving that ultimate goal.

My parents moved to this country when I was 7 or 8, and almost every moment ever since has been agonizing … If there’s anything more painful than living in a place where everyone and everything is trying to send you a single message,” Your life has no value!” then I haven’t heard of that grater pain yet. What multiplies the pain even further is feeling alone in it. You see, being forced to move from a place of a higher standard of living and culture to an inferior one makes you see stuff no one else can see. Just like the lonely philosopher in Plato’s cave; Those who are living inside the cave don’t realize what they’re missing, and those living outside don’t know how bad living in the cave can be. That’s why no matter how hard we try to explain to either side, they just don’t get it. Nevertheless, we never tire from trying.

So I walk alone down the darkest roads
‘Cause I’ve always known how the story goes
When the curtain falls, I’ll be wearing thin
Clawing at the walls as they’re closing in
In this twisted plot I was destined for
I’m an astronaut on the ocean floor
So misunderstood ’till the bloody end
How I wish I could do it all again

I’m living in an ugly place where you hear the people’s eyes scream of misery even when they’re silent; Where you know that your so called community is killing you, slowly, in cold blood, every day, even when they show an occasional fake smile; Where the buildings and streets are so hideous that you can smell their disgusting stink even through a mere photograph; Where everything beautiful is a taboo and every evil is encouraged; Where everything and everyone is filthy either on the inside or the outside or both; Where there’s no word that exists that can more accurately describe your world than: “living-dead”.

It’s another night of the living dead
Like a viper bite in a spider web
It’s so deathly dark in the alleyway
And a bleeding heart makes you easy prey
I would run and hide for the afternoon
With the butterfly in the panic room
Though I won’t be missed, I would say it’s time
For a different twist in the story line

For 17 years, there was nothing I wanted more than to be set free from this nightmare, even if it was for no more than a single day. Not to live in a paradise or a Utopia, but to live in a normal humane world, similar to where I lived before. Now this dream is closer than ever that I can almost touch it. It’s only a matter of few months now … a matter of days. Although some milestones still exist, the largest of them has been removed; I’m to be given the keys to my dungeon and I’ll finally be allowed to immigrate. And no matter what happens next, I’m more determined than ever to leave, or die trying!

It feels like I’m a lone survivor
Forgotten in a dark and deadly world
And on my own I walk alone
To see the sun again I’d give anything
But life demands a final chapter
A story that we all must leave behind
It’s do or die, and this is mine
The anthem of a bird with a broken wing

The sweet feeling of being able to have something after wishing nothing except having it for years is indescribable, especially when that something is your own self; ownership of your own mind and body. But it’s as if this place hasn’t hurt me enough, it’s now using the last weapons in its toolkit to cause me as much damage as possible upon leaving it. Whether it’s the increased concentration of filth from those who couldn’t care less, or the pain in the eyes of those who love you because they believe they’re losing you forever, it’s doing everything it can to prevent you from enjoying a shadow of happiness you’ve worked so hard to earn.

And that’s why this period of my life is so sweet and so sour in the same time …

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2 responses to “Sweet and sour

  1. Pingback: The Exodus (phase 1): The beautiful smell of liberty =) | A Universe from Words

  2. Pingback: A new pain | A Universe from Words

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