Sunday, the 12th, 2016
A very sad day for me.
I wrote this to a friend who left Ireland and went back home. I was supposed to meet her for one last time that day, to tell her these words in person, but it never happened …
My dear friend C. -a.k.a C. P. =),
This is something I wished to say to you in-person, but since I wasn’t lucky enough, I tried to write it to you. I’m sorry if it’s long and boring but believe me, this is the short version of it =D
Also sorry if you find it so dramatic =D
They say that people would forget what you say, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
I know that I don’t know you very well, but during the few times we met, went out together, and talked, I felt something about you which I haven’t felt for a VERY long time, and I’m truly thankful to you for making me feel that.
I’m not very good at describing my feelings, but I’ll do my best =)
I felt you had the sweetest and kindest heart: a heart made of gold. I felt it in how you spoke about your life back in France, how you see the world and living creatures, your Facebook posts, what you mentioned about your future plans and dreams, and how you became my friend when no one else wanted. I know you might be thinking, “How would you know about my heart? You don’t know me.” The answer is: I just felt it, and it’s not hard for me –someone who has lived most of my life surrounded by cruelty and very mean people- to feel kindness and gentleness when I find them – just like how sensitive an eye is to light if it has been in the darkness for so long.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I felt it very hard that it sometimes actually hurt! Yes, sometimes I felt that my heart hurt and remembered what it feels like to feel my heart “melt” by kindness and compassion. I realized it felt so painful because of how frozen and hard my heart has become over the years. It felt like fire and ice colliding inside of me. And so you reminded me of how I once had a tender heart. And the fact that I felt this good kind of pain probably means that there is still hope that part of that good heart still lives in me, underneath the layers of coldness and darkness, and is still capable of feeling. As painful as it was, it was also very wonderful, and all you did -for me to feel that- was that you were yourself.
For that I can’t show how thankful I really am to you and your lovely heart. But I also wanted to ask you two things – two favors if you would:
1- Don’t change:
I hope you always remember me as an example of how wonderful you are as a person that you were able touch a stranger’s heart in almost no time. And whenever life gives you hard times, whenever someone hurts you, or if someone lies to you to control you, and you feel like you’re going to change, I hope you still remember this and look back to when that stranger asked you to never change and remain the sweet person you are. If our world has more than enough of something it’s: bad people and suffering, and if it only needs one thing it’s: people with hearts like yours. Please always remain the smart and kind person you are and don’t ever let anything change your heart; not pain, not cruelty of others towards you, not political or dogmatic lies, not anything –even me. You are just what we need, and if you ever change, may it be to the better not the worse.
2- Take care of yourself:
If it’s not for the people who love you and the people who care about you (and I told you before: I am one of the people who care about you), then for the people who need you. As I explained previously: people like you are needed more than you imagine. And I learned that bad people can actually win. They win by getting rid of good people like you, either by changing them into bad people or by killing them. Yes, in my experience -unless you’re very famous or something- by dying you’re doing evil a favor so please don’t.
I know you’re young and full of life and adventure, but I also know how mature you are for your age. Today I just realized that you’re almost the same age as the children who were in the class I used to teach when I was a Sunday school teacher (something I’m not proud of now). And I knew those kids when they were very young children in 5th grade (I was in my first year of college) and spent more than 5 years with them, watching them grow up and change. And today I’m still in contact with a lot of them, and they’re by no means even close to how mature you are. So please take care of yourself; your health and safety, and don’t let anything bad happen to you, please.
Finally, I want to apologize for not being a very good friend, even though, I think, I could have been better. I apologize if because of my problems with expressing my feelings I ever hurt you, made you feel bad about yourself, made you feel neglected or lonely, or not given you the proper friendship you deserve. And perhaps for not expressing how happy you made me feel until now- when you’re leaving.
Although I feel heartbroken that you’re leaving, I’m very happy for you because you’re leaving to pursue your dreams and plans, and be among your beloved friends and family, where I hope you’re much happier. From the bottom of my heart I wish you the best of luck in every moment in your life. And also that we meet again someday.
I’m not going to ask you to remember me, because I’m just nobody. Forget about me, what I said, and what I did, but I hope I succeeded in making you feel how special and amazing you are. And if I did, I hope that you never forget that some stranger, in a foreign country on a small island, once made you feel like that.