Maybe all I need is to search harder …

Stones that I

Carry around

Every stone’s
A story

It weighs me down

But there is gold
Hidden by rock and sand

I have to search
A little
Harder now

~Barbarossa – Stones

Here I am: depressed again after a new failed experience, a new rejection.

I’m thinking I’m exactly in the same place I was 4¬†months ago. For a long time I had given up and stopped looking, but that never made me happier I guess. I thought time is the key for healing, but the pain went nowhere. I tried getting distracted by work; I worked for hours to the extent of being sleep deprived, but if anything, the void only grew bigger, and I only became colder. A few days ago I decided: probably the best way to make the pain less intense is to go out and get hurt again; to get a new pain essentially. And here I am, got exactly what I asked for.

Maybe I thought this was supposed to be easy.

This is far from over though …

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