A ghostly wish

(written on Jan the 31st, 2017)

Sometimes I wish I was a ghost.
Which is actually different than wishing death.
Because the ghost I’d be would be very alive.
More alive than I’ve ever been.
Than anyone has you’ve ever seen.

Why a ghost? To break the boundaries.
I’d be around you all the time.
I’d watch over you from the monsters you can’t sense.
I’d NEVER have to say goodbye.
And you’d never have to see me die.

I’d guard you as you sleep every single night.
I’d never tire or even dream.
I’d walk on the tip toes I lack to avoid waking you up.
Even my breath wouldn’t bother you.
Cause I’d have no pulse. And we’d have no secrets.

I’d keep trying to send you secret messages.
On your fogged up mirror, and in your favorite book.
I’d hug you very tightly when I scare you.
I’d do my best to keep you warm from my coldness.
And my hollow heart would break as I always fail.

I’d walk with you when you think you’re alone.
I’d enjoy listening to what you say about me when you think I’m not listening.
I’d be the only one who hears your heart cry.
The only one who wipes every tear you later forget.
The only one who sees no one but you.

I couldn’t hurt you, and you couldn’t reject me.
I couldn’t let you down, and you couldn’t give up on me.
I couldn’t neglect you, and you couldn’t make me jealous.
I wouldn’t mind your past, and you wouldn’t mind my demons.
We could never break each other’s hearts, nor hold them firmly.

The truth, however, is that YOU’RE the ghost not me.
I haven’t met you yet, and may never do.
I’ve never stopped waiting for you, since I never grew up.
Thinking about your faceless smile somehow gets me through the rough days.
Yet I can’t stop thinking whether it’s too late for you to show up now.
Now, after I’ve been through hell, and you weren’t there.
Or maybe you always were. In your own ghostly way.

 

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