I have become love

When Oppenheimer witnessed an experimental atomic explosion, he reportedly remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita, “Now I [have] become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”

This, to me, is a very strong line. It often makes me think about how it didn’t say “I bring death” or “I have become the source of death”, and instead describes a state of “becoming death” itself. It’s so much power that it’s not only a “destroyer of lives”, rather a destroyer of entire worlds.
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My worst companion

He’s the only one who has been there since the beginning. He never lets go. He’s so fucking stubborn. The more I tell him I don’t want him, the tighter he holds on to me. Lots of people come and go, but he’s the only one who seems to remain. To be honest, I sometimes feel I miss him, but it’s not because of him, rather because he’s frankly better than bad company.
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A quick warm forever

(I wrote this about my friend SR, and have been struggling for a while to complete it. I guess that means it is complete, so I decided it to post it as is.)

When you step out of a warm shower on a cold night, the world seems colder.
But it’s somehow warmer, when you step out of a warm hug that you’ve awaited forever.
“But forever could just be around the corner”, she said without a second thought.
A thought that lingered in my mind.
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Sleep deprivation

We are told that if you get a sufficient amount of sleep, you won’t feel sleep-deprived. They tend to focus on the quantity of sleep and seem to overlook the quality.

There have been days in which I got very little sleep, yet felt so energized and refreshed. And others, where I had much more sleep than needed, yet was too tired to complete the simplest of tasks.

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A ghostly wish

(written on Jan the 31st, 2017)

Sometimes I wish I was a ghost.
Which is actually different than wishing death.
Because the ghost I’d be would be very alive.
More alive than I’ve ever been.
Than anyone has you’ve ever seen.
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Mirror of depression

(I wrote this on the 28th of Jan 2017 as an attempt to describe my state of mind around the end of a phase of depression, where the dark thoughts are still felt, but not as effective.)

Warning: objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

Bad memories appear closer than they really are, good times seem rarer. True friends seem fewer, haters multiplied. Darkness seems endless, light like a split second. Pain feels stronger, happiness abstract. Hurtful voices sound louder, praise and support insincere. Misery abundantly immanent, laughs lost in oblivion. Everyone disappoints, kindness is invisible. Nights are colder, our hearts made of stone.

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The semicolon

(Written on Jan the 25th 2017)

I’ve always found the semicolon ( ; ) to be very interesting. Yes, it looks like a half-breed between a comma and a colon, but it’s not that. It’s how we use it that interests me. Particularly the usage that the Oxford dictionary describes as “a pause that is not as short as a comma, but not as final as a full stop”. Why would we need something like that?
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