(I wrote this in Jan 2017. Probably around the 23rd or the 24th … on a cold night)
Sometimes at night I feel so cold. I imagine someone hugging me. I think I try to imagine it so hard, as if if I try hard enough, maybe I could actually start to feel it. But I never do. And I stay cold. Continue reading →
I wanted everything I never had
Like the love that comes with light
I wore envy and I hated that
But I survived
I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don’t change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you’re taught to cry into your pillow
~ Alive, Sia
A weird kind of loneliness:
For years I had no good ways of expressing my agony. I wasn’t even allowed to cry in my bedroom when I needed to. I didn’t even have a bedroom of my own, as I shared one with my younger brother. The number of nights in which I wanted to sob or scream but suppressed my voice as not to be heard are just countless. That was regarding the space I had in my home, or rather lacked.
Warning: I decided it was time to write a short summary of my sad life and suffering in a single series of entries, the only expected result is a very dark collection of painful stories. You’re strongly discouraged from reading this.