The second letter … to a girl I fell in love with

Dear Beloved S.,

Once upon a time, a couple of ducks were waiting patiently for their new baby ducks (ducklings) to hatch out of their eggs. Although all of the eggs looked the same, when they hatched, one specific duckling looked very different than all of the others. Yes, the other ducklings weren’t identical, but this duckling was very different. His neck was weirdly longer, his legs were weirdly darker, and even the color of his feathers was weirdly unusual. The mother and father ducks were so surprised, but they did their best to love him just like any other of their ducklings. The other ducklings, however, weren’t so nice to him. They never stopped making fun of him and avoiding him, and they called him “the ugly duckling”. As they grew up, our duckling tried his best to fit in by trying to act and look like like all of the normal ducklings. But despite all of his efforts, he never succeeded. The more he grew up the more obvious the differences became. He didn’t look like the others, didn’t walk or swim like them, and he didn’t sound like them. He always hated himself for being an outcast. Continue reading

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I have become love

When Oppenheimer witnessed an experimental atomic explosion, he reportedly remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita, “Now I [have] become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”

This, to me, is a very strong line. It often makes me think about how it didn’t say “I bring death” or “I have become the source of death”, and instead describes a state of “becoming death” itself. It’s so much power that it’s not only a “destroyer of lives”, rather a destroyer of entire worlds.
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My cold and dark universe (Part 4: More on cold loneliness)

I wanted everything I never had
Like the love that comes with light
I wore envy and I hated that
But I survived

I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don’t change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you’re taught to cry into your pillow

~ Alive, Sia

 

A weird kind of loneliness:

For years I had no good ways of expressing my agony. I wasn’t even allowed to cry in my bedroom when I needed to. I didn’t even have a bedroom of my own, as I shared one with my younger brother. The number of nights in which I wanted to sob or scream but suppressed my voice as not to be heard are just countless. That was regarding the space I had in my home, or rather lacked.

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How I met “reading” (part2)

May 2012

Reading is a necessity even for the normal person for several reasons … First, we don’t live in a world that consists only of our surroundings … The world is ruled by laws and moving ideas … Reading is like learning a language; a base for any conversation and for understanding people and yourself too … That’s why it’s funny, and probably hilarious, to repeat the phrase “reading is a hobby.” No, it’s a human duty like learning to speak.

Reading is an extra eye, hand, and leg which makes you outreach beyond your narrow limits and makes you understand your position in this life and what made you the way you are.

~Mr M, from our conversations [1]

This was probably the part when it had me; reading. So I decided to continue reading his book and his articles. And the more I read the more I understood and, in the same time, the more I found things that I couldn’t understand. I kept asking him about them, but his time was limited and some of the answers were more or less sufficient. I needed to know much more. I needed to learn more and more, and there was one topic that was more pressing than anything else: morality.

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Why the fear of darkness is absurd

Why do we fear the dark?
Why does the mere absence of an electromagnetic wave, we call “light”, threaten us so much?
It affects no more than one of our senses.
Can’t you see how illogical it is?
A tiny species living on a rock floating in a dark universe, dominated by dark matter and dark energy, feel insecure when the lights go off in their small worlds.
That’s specially ironical when you know that they originally started in the darkness of the ocean depth
Blind people aren’t afraid of the dark.

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