A universe is vast, spontaneous, and unique. So is my mind
If I had a penny for every time someone broke my heart, I’d be rich enough to buy myself my own island where I can live without any human contact whatsoever.
Stones that I
A story It weighs me down
But there is gold
Hidden by rock and sand I have to search
Harder now ~Barbarossa – Stones
It’s true that we seem to be living our lives in an endless journey of quenching our desires, but I think the nature of your desires can tell a great deal about who we are and how we lived our lives.
I remember I used to want one thing: feel loved and accepted.
Then I used to want to be safe.
Then I wanted not to feel lonely, and wanted to be loved.
Now all I want is for my heartache to stop.
Posted in Galaxies of thoughts Tagged diary, disappointement, envy, fear, happiness, heartache, loneliness, love, memories, pain, suffering
I wanted everything I never had
Like the love that comes with light
I wore envy and I hated that
But I survived I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don’t change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you’re taught to cry into your pillow ~ Alive, Sia
A weird kind of loneliness:
For years I had no good ways of expressing my agony. I wasn’t even allowed to cry in my bedroom when I
needed to. I didn’t even have a bedroom of my own, as I shared one with my younger brother. The number of nights in which I wanted to sob or scream but suppressed my voice as not to be heard are just countless. That was regarding the space I had in my home, or rather lacked.
Posted in Black holes of memories, Galaxies of thoughts Tagged 3rd world, acceptance, agony, best friend, bitterness, broken, childhood, cold, coldness, coldness and darkness, cruelty, culture, dark, darkness, diary, Egypt, fear, friends, home, humanity, immigration, intimacy, Ireland, journal, loneliness, love, memories, pain, personal freedom, personal space, privacy, suffering
We usually forget months and even entire years of our lives, but there are some moments, some nights, that can never fade away from our memories.
I always say I have a very bad memory. Could it be my brain’s way of defending itself against grief?
Posted in Black holes of memories Tagged atheism, best friend, bitterness, childhood, cold, coldness, coldness and darkness, culture, dark, darkness, Egypt, emptiness, empty, exodus, fear, freedom, friends, heartache, home, human rights, humanism, ignorance, immigration, injustice, liberty, lies, loneliness, memories, misery, religion, sex, suffering
A universe is vast, spontaneous, and unique. So is my mind.
I also now realize that: a universe is mostly empty, dark and cold. So is my heart!
Posted in Black holes of memories Tagged accepted, best friend, childhood, cold, coldness, coldness and darkness, college, culture, dark, darkness, disappointement, Egypt, freedom, friends, friendship, home, human rights, immigration, liberty, love, memories, religion, selfishness, sex, society, suffering, transition
“Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide”
~Demons, Imagine Dragons
I decided it was time to write a short summary of my sad life and suffering in a single series of entries, the only expected result is a very dark collection of painful stories. You’re strongly discouraged from reading this. Warning :
Posted in Black holes of memories Tagged accepted, begining, child abuse, childhood, cold, coldness, coldness and darkness, culture, dark, darkness, diary, Egypt, empty, family, fear, friends, heart, heartache, home, humiliation, ignorance, loneliness, love, memories, pain, parenthood, sad, suffering